Where the skies are so blue
by Moon N Roselyne
Summary: What if Stef wasn't a police officer but a corporal in the US Army? What if she was sent back to war? Will her marriage survive? Will her family stick together or drift apart? AU
1. Chapter 1

**Where the skies are so blue**

Summary : What if Stef wasn't a police officer but a corporal in the US Army? What if she was based in San diego but got sent back to Iraq?

Author's Note 1 : The idea popped in my head and I HAD TO GET IT OUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

Author's Note 2 : English is my second language and I know next to nothing about the US Army. Although I'll start doing research as of tomorrow...Please forgive my mistakes both with the language and the US hierarchy and what not :s

 **Reviews- good and bad are more than welcome as they help me progress! :)**

 **Rated M** to be safe – mention to war, war zone, there might be some graphic description of scenes. DO NOT READ IF MOMMA HASNT APPROVE

Now I'll go before you kick me out.

 **Disclaimer :** I do not own anything. I promise. Please don't sue me I can't afford a lawyer. while I'm at it I was listening to Sweet Home Alabama for the title..I don't own that either. I just borrowed it. and I bought the song LEGALLY ON ITUNES. ANYWAY

* * *

 _2002_

" _Lena... I'm sorry"._

" _No. Stop it. No stef."_

" _If I had a choice you know I'd stay with you but love I..""_

" _No Stef. You don't get to steal my heart and crush it like that"._

" _Lena what are you talking about you know I love you. I'm not breaking up with you"._

" _You're going on another continent to FIGHT A WAR."_

" _I'm in the army Lena. And we are at war."_

" _I can't do this."  
_

* * *

Stef sighed deeply, closing her eyes. They had survived her going to war. They had survive her coming back her body and mind damaged beyond repair.

She was on her second tour in Afghanistan when her group had been ambushed. Her tank had been targeted and a rocket hit them. She was one of the three people that survived. She had been sent back home with a lacerated spleen and a minor spine injury. It took her a whole year of surgeries and physical therapy along with group therapy to recover. But they pulled through. Lena had been extraordinary at the time. They were in the early stage of their relationship and most thought it would never last. Brandon had just started Kindergarten and Stef had just come out. But Lena had been amazing. She stood beside Stef and took care of Brandon when Stef couldn't and Mike was "unable" to.

Following her injuries she ended up training new recruits at the San Diego military base and they slowly moved on. Jesus and Mariana came into their life shortly thereafter and they slowly put the traumatic experience behind them.

But she had been called in the office today. She thought one of her new recruit was in trouble- a common occurrence these days.

"Corporal Adams-Foster. You are being promoted." her CO said. He had that look on his face that told Stef she shouldn't relax just yet

"Oh wow, thank you sir." She said, holding her breath

"That's not why I called you in here." The older man said.

Here it was.

"Sir?"She asked, wiping her sweaty hands on her kakhi.

"You're going back". He said plainly.

"Pardon me sir?" Stef refused to believe what she just heard. It couldn't happen.

"They're sending you to Iraq Corporal." The superior officer said.

She gasped. Her brain was trying to comprehend the information at hand. She started to panic as thoughts intertwined and moved around her head. What about the children? Lena. How was she going to tell her? Jude and Callie just settled and they had already lost a mother before. The noise, the smell of burnt flesh, the dismembered corpse of her captain on top of her, suffocating her. She couldn't. She wouldn't. There was no way. War was behind her. Not waiting at the corner.

"Sir I... I can't. I just I can't." She started to panic. It had been years since she had a panic attack.

"Corporal breathe. It's not that bad." The man sympathetically

"Sir, please, I have five children at home I just...My wife..." She held her tears, she took a deep breath. She couldn't lose it in front of him.

"I already talked to headquarters, you're not being sent to combat zone. You're going to do the same job that you do here corporal, with a higher rank and a better pay."

"Thousands of miles away from my ." As usual, she had talk before she thought about it, being the hot blooded woman that she was.

"It's only for a short time."

"Am I eligible for retirement?" She would try anything to get out of it.

"You will be in a year but your pension won't be much"

"A year." She said pensively. Would she last a tour or more away from her family? Away from her wife? Would her marriage survive yet another bump on the road?

"Corporal, you're being sent for 8 weeks as a first tour. You're the best trainer we have around here. They need you over there."

"When am I leaving?"

"In a month"

"A MONTH? ..Sir"

"Yes. You're dismissed corporal, I'll have all the information required on monday from headquarters. Now go home."

* * *

Stef had been outside for about fifteen minutes when she finally came back to reality. She dried her tears and after a second of hesitation she entered her home. It was going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

Here is the second chapter! Thank you so much for reading/favoriting/reviewing/following! It means a lot to me!

Hope you'll enjoy his second chapter! Cheers!

* * *

"Heyyy You're back early tonight!" Lena said, a warm smile adorning her face.

Stef couldn't shake off the panic. She couldn't talk just yet. She just smiled and dropped her duffle bag on the rack by the door. She moved towards her wife and messed with Jude's hair who was sitting at his usual spot in the kitchen; before kissing her wife and hugging her tightly.

"Everything ok?" Lena asked surprised. She returned the hug a moment after.

Lena was used to Stef bursting in the house, her ever so vibrant personality and happiness filling the house with bubbling energy. She would ask about her "babies" and kiss Lena softly.

Her silence was almost eerie.

"Yes. Long day. I'm gonna take a shower." She said flatly letting go of her wife.

Lena, Mariana and Jude looked at each other, intrigued.

"Why don't you two keep an eye on dinner and I'm gonna check up on mom okay?" She said, smiling for her children's sake.

"Sure" Jude and Mariana said, they were as surprised as their mom about Stef's behaviour.

* * *

When Lena entered the room she heard the water running, she moved towards the bathroom and stopped in her track, her hand on the doorknob. She could hear Stef sobbing. What had happen ?

Jesus knocked on the door

"Mama, Where's mom? I need to.."

Lena silenced Jesus with one look. She sent him away. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, she knocked softly and finally entered the room.

The sight in front of her shocked her. Stef was sitting on the floor of the shower. She was holding her knees tightly and was sobbing. Lena's heart sank. If she didn't act now she knew a panic attack would follow. She kicked her shoes off, removed her sweater and entered the shower.

Stef jumped when Lena touched her arm. She moved her and sat behind the soldier.

"Stef, you're ok. I'm here. You're alright. I love you". She held on tight and kept kissing her cheek, her hair, every part of her wife's body that she could reach. It was nothing they hadn't been through before.

"I can't. Lena. I can't. I won't. They can't."

"Shh. Not now. You need to breathe love. Look at me. Look at me! In. And out."

Stef turned her head and looked at her wife. Her wonderful, wonderful wife. What had Lena seen in her? Why did she pursue the relationship after learning she was going to war? Would she change her mind now? Would Stef lose her family?

"Stef. Honey you need to calm down. It's ok. Whatever it is you're fine. I'm here. You're home."

Stef closed her eyes and shifted so she could kneel in front of the beautiful woman she married. She rested her forehead against hers. Lena's hands were holding her. She was safe. Her breathing returned to normal.

It took fifteen minutes for Stef to open her eyes and stop crying.

"I got you all wet." She said, her voice raspy from crying so much.

Her wife snort-laughed in that cute way Stef loved, her hand was caressing her cheek softly. Lena kissed her forehead, her eyes, her nose and finally, her lips.

"It doesn't matter.I love you." She said simply.

"The water's cold" Stef stated, not moving.

"I know."

They rose from the floor together a few minutes later. Helping each other. Lena wrapped a towel around her wife's scarred body, and another one around her hair. She had her sit on the bed as she dried herself and changed into sweatpants.

When Lena came back to the room Stef hadn't move. She was staring blankly at the wall. She moved slowly, made sure Stef heard her – she had learned that surprising a soldier suffering from PTST was a bad idea once, and would never make the same mistake again – she touched her shoulder soflty. She dried Stef's body with great care, dressed her in her comfiest PJ's and dried her hair. She massaged her scalp and grabbed the brush on their bedside table.

"Stef?" She tried, asking softly.

"I can't."

"What is it that you can't?" Lena had a good idea what was happening. But Stef had to say it.

"If I tell you. Then it's real." Stef said with a voice broken.

"Alright, I won't force you. Not tonight. Tonight it's just you and me, alright? But we'll talk in the morning.". The woman was as broken as her wife, but now wasn't the time to fall apart. She had to hold it together for now, she had to be there for Stef and for the children.

"Ok." Stef said flatly.

"Promise?"

"Promise".

"You want dinner?"

"No the kids..I don't want them to..I can't.'

"Ok ok Stef please calm down. Why don't you stay here, lay down for a bit I 'll go talk to the kids. They are worried about you."

"Tell them I love them. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" Her head fell in her hands as she cried again.

Lena's heart broke once again. She Kissed her wife's forehead and hugged her."

"Shh, not tonight. It's just you and me, remember?"

" alright' Stef managed to say, though still unable to look at Lena's face.

* * *

"Is mom ok?" Jude asked, just as Lena entered the kitchen

All five children were in eating dinner together. Two plates were saved on the counter for their mothers.

"Mom had a rough day today."

"Is she...She's not?" Brandon asked, voicing the twins and his concern.

"I don't know yet. She won't talk about it. But she wants you all to know that she loves you and she's sorry for missing dinner tonight."

"She's what? What's happening?" Callie asked, worried.

"I don't want you to worry , mom had a long day and I need to go back and make sure she's okay tonight alright? Can you guys manage?" Lena said reassuringly, patting Jude's shoulders.

"Of course" Jesus said, holding Mariana's hand.

Lena kissed them all goodnight and grabbed the two plates with her before heading back to the bedroom.

"Brandon what's going on?!" Callie asked once her mother was out of sight.

Mariana was crying, Jesus had this terrified-puppy look on his face. Jude and Callie were confused.

"I think they're sending her back." Brandon said moving his food around his plate.

"Sending her where?"

"I don't know, Afghanistan. Iraq, wherever. Back to war". He said holding his tears.

"What?! No she's like a teacher here isn't she? Wasn't she wounded? they can't!"

"They do whatever they want! They don't care!I hate them!" Mariana cried, running up to her room.

Jesus followed her. Callie looked at Brandon with teary eyes, holding Jude's hand tightly.

"Like Mom said, we'll talk in the morning."

* * *

"hey love. I've got dinner."

"I'm sorry Lena."

"You should be, I've been cooking these for hours!" She said smiling, trying to lighten the mood.

"No. I mean yes that too but.."

"I know. But tonight, It's you and me."

Lena put the plates down and joined her wife in bed. She was going to do anything in her power to make Stef feel safe here with her, even if it was only for a night.

They laid there for some time, holding hands in silence.

"Why did you marry me?" Stef suddendly said, stroking Lena's hair absentmindedly

"Because I love you." Lena answered sweetly, kissing her wife's hair.

"I know but why?" She whispered, tears in her eyes.

"Why do I love you?" Lena asked surprised.

"No I mean... Yes."

"Stef, look at me. I married you because you are the love of my life. You make me feel loved and safe, I admire you. And none of this will ."

"Is it worth it?"

"What? Our beautiful life? Our wonderful family? Don't you think it's worth it?" She couldn't let Stef think that she could lose her family because of the army. She couldn't let her believe that she wasn't enough.

"Yes of course. Lena I'm just so sorry you have to be married to a soldier."

"Stef honey, I kew what I was getting into."

"Not at first." Stef said, recalling the early years of their relationship. Her first deployment had come as a surprise to the both of them. Lena hated guns and violence and her girlfriend was being sent to war. What a joke, Stef thought.

"You gave me a choice remember? You explained to me what being "an army wife" meant. And I chose you. I don't regret any of it." She said sincerely, hugging the blonde woman tightly.

"I love you so much". Stef finally said, returning the hug.

"Now less talking and less clothes." Lena said, lowering herself to Stef level and kissed her.

They spent the night making love to each other. Taking comfort in the other, nothing mattered but the warm bodies in this bed and their love for each other.

* * *

Stef opened her eyes at the crack of dawn. Her wife was cuddled against her, their limbs tangled. She smiled at the sight; curls were spread everywhere, Lena was smiling softly in her sleep.

Maybe they were going to be alright. She would go to Iraq, stay in camp and train recruits of both armies. She'd stay out of the line of fire. And Hopefully in a year, she would retire and look for a job that didn't involve being sent thousand of miles away from her family.

"Morning." Lena said, shifting closer.

"Morning sleepy head". Stef said, kissing the woman softly.

"Did you get some sleep?"

"I did, thanks to my wonderful wife."

"You'll have to introduce me".

"Nah you two would run away together"

Lena poked her wife in the ribs, laughing.

"So..." Stef said, sitting up.

"Yes?"

"I'm being sent to Iraq." Stef said, it was time to make it real.

Lena gasped. She knew it was happening. She had known as soon as she found her wife sobbing uncontrollably in the shower. But hearing it from her mouth did make it real. There was no more denial. They were taking Stef away from her into a war zone. She closed her eyes and sighed. Stef was still to fragile to handle her breaking down right now.

"I know." she said, her voice breaking.

They cuddled a little longer in the security of their bedroom. But it was time to go and face their children, they couldn't avoid it any longer.

"Ready?" Lena asked, extending her hand toward Stef.

"As ready as I'll ever be I guess."

They headed downstairs together, hoping for the best.

* * *

Thanks for reading you guys, it's means the world to me! Hope you liked this second chapter? :s I'm not exactly sure where this is going. So if you have any requests, don't hesitate! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you SO much again for your support guys! I'm so glad you're enjoying this story!**

 **As usual mistakes are mine!**

 **Oh and because it is an AU a few things :**

 **In this story "Brallie" is done and over with (sorry guys, I never really liked the idea, nor do I like Brandon..NO OFFENCE peace if you do!); Jesus and Emma are back together (they're too good together to be apart!), Jesus is not going to Colorado just yet... Basically this is the last year of High school for B. So 2 more Callie and so on!**

 **Most of what happened in the show happened in this story, I just sometimes twisted a few things...Let me know if you're confused!**

 **Hope you enjoy this one!**

* * *

 _ENCRYPTED_

 _From : SergeantSFoster_

 _To : MamaAdamsFoster_

 _My dearest Lena,_

 _I just have five minutes to myself before training so this will be short_

 _How are you? How are the babies? Is Callie still not talking to me?_

 _Things are good here. I'm staying in camp away from danger, as promised. The training is going well. It is so hot here it makes San Diego feel like Seattle! But wait until you check out my tan ;P_

 _I miss you, I miss your arms and your voice and I miss home, but headquarters had me told I will be able to visit soon. I'm very excited! I can't wait to see you all._

 _Love love love,_

 _Stef._

Lena sighed. It had been three months since Stef had left. She was supposed to be gone for a short eight weeks, set up the training program overseas and come home. But as usual, things did not go as planned. She had a whole year before she would be able to retire from the army and it looked like she would have to serve the entire Twelve months remaining in Iraq.

Lena sighed again, two parents raising five kids – 4 being teenagers and a pre-teen- was hard enough, but doing it alone was nearly impossible. She put on a brave face though, her kids needed her to be strong. But she couldn't help breaking down at night. She'd wear Stef's Padres jersey and cuddle up on her wife's side of the bed crying herself to sleep every night. She missed her wife. She missed her voice, her love, her support, she missed waking up next to her and making love to her. Her scent was everywhere in the room and it made her miss Stef even more.

She held back her tears as she replied to her wife.

 _From MamaAdamsFoster_

To SergeantSFoster

 _Dear Stef,_

 _The children are fine._

 _Mariana is back to being a brunette, she's really progressing in her dance team and it looks like they have a good chance at competing!_

 _Jesus is back on his meds, he's struggling with Algebra but Emma is being a great tutor._

 _Brandon is rocking it with the band – I think he and Lou-the singer of the band might be dating, but I'm on it don't worry! He's also practicing a lot for_ _Juilliard, it looks like his hand is doing better, or at least he compensating somehow!_

 _Jude is keeping his grades up and Connor is able to visit once again – His dad is cutting him some slack which is a good thing! That man irritates me to the highest point, but we are courteous to each other._

 _As for Callie, don't worry. She's holding up. She goes to group every saturday and is managing work and school. She just loves you so much she's worried of losing you. She is not-so-secretly avidly reading all the e-mails that you send which I post of the fridge (only the ones that are childproofed, don't worry!)_

 _I'm doing fine, Mike is helping out a lot, it's very nice of him! He comes for dinner three times a week and takes the kids to their classes, He even comes to Jesus's wrestling competitions! You should see Jesus on the mat Stef, I'm still scared every time he competes, but he's thriving, it's impressive!_

 _You coming home? I can't wait! Do you have a time frame? Oh that sexy army tan! You'll have to send me pictures ;P (and not the kind I can post on the fridge!)_

 _I miss you, we all miss you. I went shopping the other day and I have a whole week worth of nightgown that are just waiting for your return..._

 _Do you know if you're going to be able to video chat anytime soon?_

 _I'm glad you're staying at base._

 _Please stay safe,_

 _I love you more than you know!_

 _Your Lena._

Stef sighed. One of the hardest part of being away – apart from obvious reasons- was keeping their relationship sincere. She knew Lena was worried sick about her, on top of having to deal with the kids alone so she always kept her e-mails shorts and upbeat. And Lena was keeping it light as well, because even though Stef wanted to know everything, she was in a war zone thousands of miles away and her wife was protecting her. But she always kept her informed of everything that was happening in the kids lives. She knew Brandon was working hard and hoped to go to Julliard next year. His hand wasn't a 100% yet, but he started playing classical again. He hoped to be scouted soon and maybe get a scholarship to the prestigious university. Jude was coming out of his shell and he and Connor looked like they might soon be ready to announce their love to the world. Mariana had a hard time making friends since Lexi left but she was having fun with her dance team and seems to be good friends with a girl named Tia. Jesus and Callie had both been suspended for three days at the beginning of the school year; for defending Lena's honour in the hallway. Some kid in junior year was complaining about Lena intervention in his math class and had called her names afterwards. Callie and Jesus were passing by and called the kid out on it. He insulted Lena and Jesus had pushed him against the locker. Callie defended Lena and they both got in trouble when the principal walked by as Callie had yelled "At least our mom's hot. YO MAMA'S SO FAT..." and Jesus had finished "SHE DOESN'T NEED THE INTERNET, SHE'S ALREADY WORLDWIDE".

Stef was glad she was away for once, as she had laughed so hard upon reading the email related the incident. From Lena's writing the soldier could feel she was touched by her kids love and them defending her, and beyond happy Jesus and Callie were bonding. But the behaviour had been inappropriate and they were both grounded for three weeks on top of having detention and suspension.

Reading this always made Stef feel like she was still a part of the family. Like she still had her place with them. She thought of Callie. Her deployment had been hard on all the kids but Callie took it the hardest.

* * *

 _Four month ago_

" _It's time."_

" _I know."_

 _They kissed and held hands as they went downstairs. All five children were sitting on the couch and floor in the living room._

 _Stef took a deep breath as she sat on the armchair. Lena still holding her hand, sat on the arm._

" _So." She said softly._

" _You're going back aren't you." Brandon said staring at his hands._

" _Yes. I am being deployed to Iraq." Better come with it straight, Stef thought. "But it will be different. I 'm only being sent there to train the troops. I'll be staying at base and will not be sent to combat zone"._

" _I can't believe you're leaving us to go to war" Mariana said looking at her mom. She was hurt._

" _Honey, mom would stay here if she had a choice. But she's been told to go and she has to. We just have to accept it."_

" _Well it sucks". Jesus said, holding his twin's hand._

" _I know". Stef said, trying to hold back her tears._

" _How long will you be gone for?" Jude asked, moving closer to his mom._

" _Right after graduation. I will be leaving late june. And all I know for now is that I will set up training, train the troops and form new trainers on the field. I want you to know that I love you and that a year from now I will be able to retire from the army."_

 _The kids stayed silent. They were crushed and hurt and didn't know what to say._

" _This is Bullshit". Callie said as she stormed out of the house._

 _Lena stood up but Stef stopped her._

" _Please, let me talk to her. I'll be back babies, why don't you go have breakfast?"_

 _They all hugged their mother before moving on to the kitchen. Stef stepped outside and found Callie on the swing. She was staring blankly at the street, holding her knees against her chest._

" _Callie" The mother said softly, sitting close to her daughter, but not touching her._

 _She waited a few minutes but the young woman didn't answer._

" _Callie I know you're scared. I am too. But love I have to go"._

" _Is the war more important than us?"_

" _Of course not Callie; Nothing is more important than you, your brothers and sisters and mama to me. Nothing."_

" _Then why are you going?"_

 _Stef closed her eyes and sighed. Being a soldier's family was tough. And it was all so new to Jude and Callie._

" _Love I have one more year before I can retire from the army. I have to do what I'm told. If I don't I'll be court marshalled and sent to jail, and I'll be gone for more than a year..."_

" _Why did you even join the army in the first place?"_

" _Well. I wanted to be a cop like my dad, you see. But we never got along.. We got into a fight when I turned eighteen so I enrolled to get away from him. By the time I was given the option to retire or get promoted I felt like there was nothing else I could do..So I got promoted. And now I'm at the point where when I retire I'll have a good pension... Callie it's not what I want but I have to go. I'll be home before you know it."_

" _I can't do this. I won't!"_

" _What do you mean?" Stef asked surprised as Callie broke into tears._

" _I won't lose another mom. I just can't."_

 _Stef held Callie in her arms as the teenager cried. It took ten minutes for the girl to calm down._

" _I love you." Callie whispered._

" _Oh I love you too slug-a-bug. So. Much!"_

" _I'm still super mad at you."_

" _I know. I'm not blaming you"._

 _Callie stood up and went to the kitchen after their conversation. Stef stayed on the porch for awhile. She understood Callie's anger. It hurt but she was glad the girl was expressing her feelings._

 _Callie was more distant with Stef after her outburst. She barely talked at dinner. She was courteous but nothing more, Stef suffered in silence, not wanting to make things worst._

* * *

"Sergeant?"

"Yes private?"

"Headquarters on the line for you."

"Thank you."

"Sergeant Foster, sir"

"Foster, how are you holding up?"

She smiled, it was Major Mcdonnell, her superior back in San Diego. The two of them had served in Afghanistan and he was the one who called her family after the ambush and had her sent home. He was now coordinating the human resources and held the power to send her home for a visit.

"It's going well sir. The rookies will be ready for combat before you know it sir".

"Glad to hear it Sergeant, we have a special mission for you".

"For me sir?" Stef asked, swallowing nervously.

"Yes. Nothing too complicated. We need to show the rookies how the work is done on the field.

"Sir?"

"I know you're not supposed to leave camp sergeant, but I need you to lead a recon mission. We heard their might be some insurgent in a village nearby. You'll be briefed shortly but don't worry Sergeant ; like I mentioned, it's just a recon mission. You'll be miles away from the action!

"Sir. I just..."

"It's an order Sergeant. After that, we'll talk about sending you home alright?"

The video call ended and Stef's head fell in her hands. How was it possible? She couldn't go back. How was she going to tell Lena and the kids? Callie? She breathed deeply. Now was not the time to break down, she had to train a group of twenty rookies.

"Ya ok there mom?"

"I'm fine Tommy. Thank you."

"It'll be ok Sergeant, you're the best around here."

Tom O'malley was a civilian IT in camp. He was a veteran who got wounded after his first tour in Iraq three years ago. His spine was crushed and he had lost his legs, but he was a genius in communication and technology. The army decided to hire him as civilian but everyone kept on calling him Private.

He was one of the few people whom Stef really talked to. He wasn't in the army anymore, therefore she didn't feel like she needed to be the strong sergeant with him. He missed home as much as she did and they took a liking in each other. He called her mom jokingly most of the time, as Stef's motherly instincts were well known -an secretly appreciated- around camp.

* * *

"I don't think mom will be calling today babies, I'm sorry." Lena said heavily.

Stef had told her that she'd be online this weekend but she hadn't been and she didn't write either. Lena couldn't shake off the awful feeling in her stomach. But she was relatively safe at base, right? She was training young troops around camp. That was it. Why wasn't she responding to her emails? She knew connection problems were recurrent in Iraq but still, Stef hardly went a day without sending a picture, or even just a few words.

"Mom is ok right mama?"

"Yes Judicorn" she answered affectionately, stroking her son's hair. "Mom is probably busy, or the internet's down. Nothing to worry about."

* * *

"Alright, guys Three days mission, everyone comes back ok? We go, we take pictures, we take a look around, we come back. Nothing more nothing less, got it?"

"Aie aie sir!"

Stef swallowed hard as she stepped in the chopper that was taking her away from safety. They had been briefed a mere half hour about this mission, followed by two hours of planning. They had been told that as of now every communication with the outside was on hold, and that they would be waiting for the perfect window to launch the recon mission. It had come so fast Stef didn't even realize what was happening until now.

She had promised her family she would stayed away from combat, and she was now going to a recon mission with half her team being rookies.

"If there is a god, now is time for you to show me you're not as bad as I thought" Stef prayed, holding her gun tightly.

* * *

Thanks for reading guys! Stay tuned for another chapter sometimes this week ! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Here is chapter 4!**

 **Can't believe all the support I got from all of you! I may be repeating myself but it is very much appreciated! You guys are so motivational!**

 **I know a lot of you are worried about me killing Stef in combat. I make no promises.. I'll just say : HAVE FAITH IN ME! ;P**

 **Mistakes are mine, I'm writing after a 10 hours shift, 8 of them surrounded by 30 children... Dedicated to all of you lovely people! (that's commitment or what?!)**

 **ENJOY (and don't go until you've read the whole thing k'? :)**

* * *

The house was relatively quiet. It was sunday morning and most of the children were asleep. Jude was playing video games in the living room, enjoying some time playing on the Xbox. Jesus usually took the machine hostage, barely letting his younger brother use.

Lena was sipping her tea, looking at the newspapers from yesterday.

"Lena?"

"Yes hon?" The mother said softly to Callie.

"There are two officers at the door asking for you" The teenager said, biting her bottom lip

"No no no no no". Lena mumbled, dropping her mug a bit too hard on the countertop

"Mom?" Jesus said coming downstairs with a worried look on his face.

"What's wrong?" Jude asked, pausing his game.

Lena was petrified. It couldn't be true. Not now. Not when they were on the right path of fixing their relationship, not when there were finally about to adopt Callie; not when they were healing from Frankie. Not now. It couldn't be.

"Mama?" Jesus reiterated.

"Yes yes, Jesus take you brothers and sisters to the kitchen. Callie? Can you fix breakfast for everyone?"

"um..Sure" The girl said, looking worriedly at Lena before grabbing Jude by the shoulders and making her way to the kitchen.

"Mrs Adams-Foster?" The officer said, as he removed his sunglasses.

The two men were standing uncomfortably by the door, holding an american flag and dog tags.

"Yes." she said, holding her breath

"Ma'am. We are sorry to inform you that Sergeant Stefanie Mary Foster has fallen in combat. Ma'am, We are sorry for your loss". The older man said, handing her Stef's dog tags and the flag.

Lena gasped, she couldn't breathe. She gasped and fell on her knees. No it couldn't be. Not Stef. It wasn't her wife they were talking about. She was out of the combat zone!

* * *

"Mom? Mom? MAMA!"

Lena jumped. She looked around, terrified. What had just happened?

"Mama are you okay? You were crying in your sleep." Jude said, worried.

"Stef? Where is Stef?" Lena managed to say, not realizing who she was talking to

"Uh Mama? Mom's in Iraq remember?" The boy said, scared by the woman's behaviour

"What?" Lena said, confused.

"Mom you fell asleep on the couch you were crying in your sleep." Jude answered, more and more concerned by the minute.

"Oh" Was the only answer Lena managed to voice. She struggled to come back to reality. Stef wasn't dead. At least not that she knew of. She ran her hand through her hair. It was just all too much. She couldn't take it anymore.

"What's up" It was Callie. She had heard the commotion as she came downstairs seeking for a snack before dinner.

"Jude?" the girl asked quizzically.

"Mama had a bad dream."

"Oh. Jude? Why don't you go upstairs for a while and get started on your homework?"

"But?" He said, reluctant to leave his mom in such a state.

"Please?"

The young boy looked at Lena, then Callie and his shoulders dropped an inch as he left the room.

Callie moved towards Lena. The woman jumped as the teenager's hand came in contact with her shoulder.

"Let's go to your room."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not. Let's go to your room" she said, feeling awkward at ordering her mother. Callie knew what a panic attack was. She knew Lena was about to lose it and it was her turn to take care of her mom for once. She grabbed Lena by the arm and helped her stand up. She took her hand and led her silently towards her room.

"Mama?" Mariana said stepping out of her room.

"Not now." The older sister said, putting herself between Mariana and Lena.

"But..."

"Not now. Can you please order dinner for tonight? And please don't let anyone in moms' room ok?"

"What?"

"Mariana. No questions. Not now."

"But."

"MARIANA!"

"Ok ok fine."

Callie sighed. She loved her sister but she could be so oblivious sometimes, it frustrated her.

"Okay." Callie said once she closed the door of her parents' bedroom. Lena was standing in the middle of the room, looking terrified and lost.

"Mom? Mom?" She said, the word still sounded a bit foreign to her, but it had the effect she hoped for; she had Lena's attention.

"Ok good, sit down. Mom you've been so strong for everyone since mom left. But it's too much. You need to let it out."

"I just..I just."

Lena was sitting on Stef's side of the bed. Her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head. She started shaking as she put a hand on her mouth, sobbing. Callie jumped on the bed beside the vice principal and held her.

"It's ok to be scared. It's ok to be angry and sad mama. Just let it out. I'm here."

Lena hated to be so vulnerable in front of her daughter, but she couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Oh my god Stef." she said between sobs.

Callie held her mother tightly, wrapping her hands around her shoulders and kissing her hair. She whispered reassuring words she knew Lena wouldn't hear. But it didn't matter. She thought about all those nights when Stef and Lena had woke her up from night terrors or helped her get over a panic attack. The roles were reversed for now and she was glad she could help.

Lena had been sobbing for the past fifteen minutes and her breathing became hectic.

"Ok ok. Mom look at me. LOOK AT ME!" Callie said sharply.

"Can't. Breathe."

"Mom you are having a panic attack. Remember what you told me? Look at me. Follow my breathing, inhale...slowly, there. Exhale. Again. Mom! Look at me!" she said as Lena was shaking more violently.

"There."

"My face. I can't feel my face."

"Mom you're fine. It's the panic attack. You are okay just focus on the breathing."

It took another fifteen minutes for Lena's breathing to return to normal, or close enough, Callie thought. Once the girl felt her mom's body relax an inch, she put her hands around her face and put her forehead against the woman's.

"It's ok mama. You're fine. It's going to be fine."

It was a lie. She had no idea what was going to happen. She found herself waking up every other night, thinking Stef was dead, lying in the desert, away from home. Who knew? But now wasn't the time to think about it. She had to pretend she was alright, she had to step up and support her mom.

Callie had realized for a while now, that Lena was holding up too much. And the kids let her. She couldn't blame them, they were kids. They all had had their share of incidents and drama; but Jesus, Mariana and Brandon always had had Lena and Stef to guide them through whatever they were going through. And Jude had her prior to the Fosters. She'll have a chat with them tonight, she decided. They needed to help Lena more. They needed to take it upon themselves to rely a bit less on their mom and more on each other. Lena didn't have Stef at the moment to help with the running of the house and take care of five needy children on top of a busy job. She didn't have anyone to vent to. And it had to change.

"Mom?"

"hum?"

"Do you want to take a shower or a bath?"

"I can't I need to..Dinner."

"Mariana is ordering food for tonight. I'll make sure everybody eats and I'll keep a plate for you alright?"

"I don't want to worry them."

"Mom, you need to take care of yourself for now alright? Let me deal with the tribe" she said, trying to lighten up the mood an inch.

"oh my baby girl." Lena whispered.

They hugged each other for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Callie felt her mother's body relax a bit, Lena was asleep again.

It took Callie two hours to calm Lena down and make sure she was sound asleep again. She sighed, untangled herself from the sleeping body and left the room.

* * *

"We need to talk." She said as she entered the kitchen.

All of her siblings were chatting animatedly around the table.

"What's happening?"

"Is mom ok?"

"What's wrong?"

"STOP IT. Listen." She said, frustrated.

"Ok, good. I need you to listen for five minutes and not interrupt me." She said, trying to give "the look" their mothers gave when they wanted attention.

"But."

"Shush."

"Bossy."

"Who put you in charge?"

"I put myself in charge since all of you are acting like nothing else than a spoiled brat!" She said sharply, losing her patience.

"Wow."

"Guys, let's just listen to her." Jesus said, coming to his sister's rescue.

"Thank you. Alright. So, for what happened to Lena right now : She probably had a nightmare about Stef and had a panic attack. She's fine now, and asleep again" she said and started talking again before being interrupted once more. "Ok I don't want to sound harsh or anything..But we need to grow up."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I know it's hard on all of us. I know you're all as worried as myself. But it's too much to take for Mama." Callie said, choosing to use the term of endearment to make a point. " We always rely on her for everything. All the time! And I know that's what she wants and how it's supposed to be. But while we vent to her and cry in her arms...Who's taking care of her? Nobody. I'm not blaming anyone, I'm doing the same. We took mama's support for granted because we're her kids and that's how it works. But she is exhausted, stressed beyond words and just as terrified as we are that something is going to happen to mom. So we need to start helping her more."

The room was silent. Each child looking at their hands.

"Callie's right" Brandon said after a few minutes.

"So how do we help ?" Jude said, swallowing his tears.

"Well. First of, let's help more around the house. We'll make a plan and schedules. Brandon, Mariana and I can take turns doing the laundry and dinner. Jesus and Jude you guys can take care of the dishes and garbages; and we'll all help with the cleaning of the house and yard."

"why aren't helping with dinner and laundry?" Jesus said, offended.

"Uh because you turned everybody's clothes pink and Judicorn almost set the house on fire with TOASTS?!" Mariana said raising her eyebrows in her twin's direction.

"Yeah good point" Jesus said. Now wasn't the time to pick up a fight.

"We should also make sure there's always at least two of us having dinner with mom" Callie added.

"Yes and let's make a bathroom schedule too, so we're not at each other's throat every morning?" Jude said, unsure of himself. It could be hard having a say in the house with four older siblings.

"Good idea Jude." Mariana said, wrapping her arm around his shoulders.

"Mariana, you're good with planning and computers. How about you and I draw a draft of all the schedules and we print out a few ?"

"It has to be fair though!" Jesus said, looking at Mariana

"Of course, we're doing it for mama remember?" The girl spat out.

"I was also thinking..." Jesus said, embarrassed.

"Yep?" Brandon asked, encouraging his brother to continue.

"I hear mom crying herself to sleep every night. Maybe we should take turn and sit with her. Even sleep with her at night. You know? Mom's never been away for so long... It's not weird is it?"

"No I think we should try it out. Let's just pretend we're the one who need her though. So she doesn't feel like she has to say no to not worry us." Callie said, writing down everybody's ideas on her notepad.

"Also...Let's meet in our rooms at night. We can talk to mom of course so she doesn't feel like we're not sharing with her anymore...But let's talk at night and you know..Try to help each other with our issues at school or whatever else happens. Or even..How we feel about Mom." The older sister added.

They chatted a little longer, exchanging ideas productively. Callie was impressed : They could usually never talk for more than five minutes without fighting.

"Pizza again for tonight guys, sorry I didn't know what to order..." Mariana said, bringing four boxes.

"That's perfect. Let's have dinner and start on the schedules!"

"I'll go check up on mom" Jesus said, going upstairs.

Callie smiled, she was so proud of them and so happy her idea worked out. Lena and Stef had been so amazing to her and Jude, she felt happy about being able to do her part. After all they were a family. And weren't families supposed to have each other's back?

"Mama's sleeping." Jesus said as he made his way to the living room and grabbed a slice of cheesy pizza.

"Should we watch something?"

They put on some reality show, none of them feeling like fighting over which show to watch of having to really focus on anything.

"Do you think Mom is okay over there?" Jude finally said.

They all stopped chewing and looked at each other, each teenager holding their tears.

"I don't know Judicorn." Mariana said soflty.

"She has to be" Jesus said.

"Don't you think it's weird though...That she didn't email any of us? Or called or anything? I mean, It's been almost three weeks now.."

"You know sometimes they go on lockdown or the power is down for a while...It's happened before.." Brandon said, trying ot reassure himself as much as the children.

"I wish she'd just come back." Jude said quietly.

"Is there..Is there anything left for me?" A timid Lena said, entering the living room.

All children looked at her, surprised.

"Of course!" Callie said, looking at them pointedly. They needed to support Lena, not make her feel like she was an alien in her own house.

"What are you guys talking about?" She asked innocently. She'd heard bits of conversation but wanted to act naturally after her scene earlier.

"Oh just about this and that."

"So what's everyone's plan for the weekend?"

"Uh Mom?"

"Yes what?"

"This weekend really?"

"What's happening?"

"Grandma, Gram and Granp' are coming?..It's Thanksgiving..." Brandon said gently.

"No it can't be...really? Oh my god nothing's ready...I don't even have a turkey!"

"Mom, it's ok" Callie said putting a hand on Lena's knee.

"Mariana, Jude and I will go shopping tomorrow, Brandon and Jesus will get the rooms and living room ready, we already have a schedule ready!" Callie said, showing off a messy piece of paper to the vice principal.

"Oh you kids, I don't want you to have to deal with this."

"Mom please, we want to!" Brandon said, smiling warmly at his mom.

"Oh you kids are just the best." Lena said, her eyes tearing up as all of her children hugged her. Maybe, just maybe, she could get through this, with the love and support of the five wonderful kids who were in her life.

* * *

 **There you go! Please do not kill me, boycott me or cast a spell or anything ! Poor Lena needs some love! Right?**

 **Shout out to people who, like me, have experienced panic attacks with the loss of feeling in the face and arm (feels like a heart attack and it ain't pretty) and/or nightmares/night terrors... You are not alone guys, hugs and kisses ! 3**

 **Things will unfold -maybe (hehe)- in one or two chapters! Stick with me !**

 **Sorry if the writing is awkward sometimes, I'm having a hard time with English when I'm tired!**


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